Transition Time

No, I am not ok.

  

I am sitting here, dissolving into a puddle of tears as we drop James off at Zovic's for the last time. Don't get me wrong -- I am thrilled that he will be starting at PVP tomorrow. I've been anticipating this day since before he was born. (Yes, I love PVP that much.) But today isn't tomorrow. Today is the last day of this moment in time.

It's the last day we will drive by the little digger that sits on the corner behind the Arsenal Mall.

It's the last day we will drive by the tow trucks parked in the Watertown Towing lot, the last day we'll drive by the rent-your-own bobcats in the lots next door. 

The last day we'll drive by the boats sitting in their "blankets" at the marina on the Charles. The house that used to be an empty lot is now built, the excavators and backhoes gone off to somewhere else.

And my little baby is now a big boy.

We've had good-byes before. Thanks to the logistics of the Boston Public Schools we've said good-bye to more teachers than you can count. But we always knew there was another kid coming along; we knew we'd see Pine Village and Winship and Edison again. 

Odds are we won't see Zovic or Endza or Takouhy again. Sure we might stop in to say hi but that's not the same. They've helped me raise my babies; I've seen their children grow up. When Will was at Zovic's, her son, Sebu, was a 12-year-old playing basketball in the back yard; he's a college grad now, laughing with James as they wear their WVU t-shirts on the same day. How on earth did we get here?

How is it possible that James is 3? That Will is 10? That Lucy is 13?????

And, yes, I know I'm supposed to stop and savor these moments lest they slip by. But, honestly? Today? I can't. As it is I'm still sitting here with the tears streaming down my face. If I stop for even a second you'll have to peel me off the ground.

This morning James just turned to me and said, "Will Scarlett and Rhea be at my new school tomorrow? They are my favorite friends."

“No,” I said, trying to keep a smile on my face. “But tomorrow you'll meet a new set of favorite friends. And you'll be so excited to see them every day.”

Logically, I know that is true. As sad as it makes me that a year from now he might not even remember Scarlett or Rhea or Zovic and Sebu, I am fully aware that is likely to be the case. I will remind myself transitions are hard no matter how good the thing is that they're transitioning to and that part of what these amazing Pine Village teachers and directors are ready for tomorrow is a new set of parents and kids – and a whole lot of tears. They are ready for kids transitioning out of the daycares they’ve known since they were babies, for kids who have spent every day of their time on earth with their moms and dads or grandparents or nannies. And they are ready for moms (and dads) like me who aren’t quite ready for this next phase, no matter how much we know it is time.

Because it doesn’t matter if he’ll make some new favorite friends tomorrow, or, for that matter, if we’ll be driving by the Arsenal Mall and Watertown Towing and all the bobcats sitting in their lot again. This house is built. Today is about good-byes.

A Week with James

This past week, my sister Jessica took care of James as it is childcare vacation week, but both Kelley and I had to work. She wrote this post about her time with James and graciously agreed to let us use it as a guest blog entry. Thank you, Aunt Jessica!  

The 25 things I learned during my week on James Patrol:

1) Pushing a toy train around a circular track for hours on end is actually pretty Zen, as is digging a hole and filling it in, over and over and over again.

2) I do, in fact, lift from the knees - my legs are killing me from carrying James all week but my back is totally fine.

3) Speaking of carrying James, it turns out that a sprained elbow from a high school injury has the habit of flaring up again, 20 years later, if you spend the week carrying a child.

4) Playing with James' hair or driving him around after a few hours of stimulus, is a sure fire way to get him to go to sleep - sometimes mid sentence. "Aunt Jessica, did you see that dig-zzzzzzzzz"

5) Pushing a stroller with a two (almost three) year old in it for two miles is a lot harder then just walking (or even running) that same two miles.

6) The Faneuil Branch of the Boston Public Library doesn't open until noon on Tuesdays.

7) Grilled American cheese sandwiches are quite possibly the most amazing things ever invented...no, I don't care that American cheese isn't a real food.

8) Thomas and Friends is actually rather entertaining, with some truly catchy tunes that will stay with you for hours and hours and hours.

9) A two (almost three) year old can be solidly distracted by play-doh, bubbles, pink & white, Thomas, trains, and of course, diggers.

10) The Boston Road Crews (the ones who trim the trees from the power lines), and the garbage men of the city are either super friendly, or all have little ones at home because I honestly don't think we passed a single city employee during the whole week who didn't take a second to wave to James.

11) The Children's Museum is exactly as much fun as I remember it to be.

12) The children of Boston, and their parents, are incredibly sweet, well behaved and conscientious of the other children around them...or at least the ones who were at The Children's Museum on Wednesday were.

13) It turns out a two (almost three) year old boy is fascinated by all manner of bodily functions - pee, poo, toot, burp, you name it - it's all awesome and hilarious to the child.

14) A water/sand table is pretty fun, not just for a two (almost three) year old.

15) Grapes are better when cut in half and shared with a nephew.

16) Boynton books are awesome but so are a whole bunch of other board books like THE LITTLE BLUE TRUCK and SHEEP IN A SHOP.

17) Two (almost three) year olds can be incredibly bossy and particular...oh, and did I mention destructive, but they can also be the cutest thing on the planet - painfully, adorable - truly.

18) It's super fun to say things around a two (almost three) year old just to see if he'll mimic you in his adorable voice. There is nothing quite so hilarious as hearing something like "you can't handle the truth" or "these aren't the droids you're looking for" or "no power in the 'verse can stop me" out of that adorable and endearing chirp of a voice.

19) If you put down a paper-tape track through the house with the intention of the two (almost three) year old using it to drive his cars around in a circle, know that it will never be used for that intended purpose and instead you will find yourself running around the track in a circle being chased by said two (almost three) year old for a good hour at least - the good thing is that you will not need to do your scheduled 4 mile run that day.

20) There is no limit to the energy of the two (almost three) year old, but a 40 (almost 41) year old runs out of steam about 2 hours into the day.

21) You can, in fact, get a two (almost three) year old to bake his own birthday cupcakes, as long as decorating the cupcakes once they're cool is in the offing.

22) Magic words are real once the two (almost three) year old realizes that nothing will happen without the most magic word of them all - "please".

23) The two (almost three) year old is a booger making factory. Seriously, if we could harness that power from all the two (almost three) year olds in the world I think we could end this country's dependence on foreign oil.

24) Time runs differently when caring for a two (almost three) year old. In fact, I wonder if there's some sort of worm hole surrounding the little ones that actually changes the laws of physics - have we discovered the true fluidic space?

25) ...which leads me to the fact that caring for a two (almost three) year old for a week is a level of chaos that I couldn't have fully understood until today. Bravo to the mommies and daddies and day care workers and babysitters, the grandmas and grandpas and aunties and uncles who do this on a regular basis. I tip my hat to you all and, though I don't plan to have any myself, I completely agree that there is nothing quite so indescribably wonderful as hearing "I love you, Aunt Jessica" from that sweet and marvelous little boy.

Jessica Ammirati is a director and doula extraordinaire who lives in Brooklyn, NY. The founder of Going To Tahiti Productions, you can find her regular blog posts for GTTP at http://goingtotahitiproductions.com/blog/. 

The Incident At Cockle Cove Road (And Other Adventures in Discipline)

So there my sister and I were last week, driving down the charming Cape Cod road happily chatting when, from behind us, James piped up, “Here comes the binky!” and a binky landed in my lap.

Hold on a second, you say. Isn’t that kid almost three years old? Isn’t that way too late for a binky?

Well, yes. I suppose so. But I do have to admit that Lucy had a binky for a very long time. At least until four. (I am ashamed to say that I don’t entirely remember how long she had it; I wouldn’t be surprised if I were presented with photographic evidence that showed she had one for another year or so.)

With Lucy it wasn’t a deliberate thing. We were first-time parents and, to be honest, it was just easier that way. I mean, I considered the whole cut-off-the-tip-of-the-binky-so-that-it-doesn’t-have-the-whole-suction thing, the let’s-tie-it-to-the-balloon-and-send-it-off-with-a-proper-good-bye thing, the ceremonious-collect-all-the-binkies-and-throw-them-away thing (can you tell I’m an avid reader of parenting magazines?), but it was always a half-hearted attempt and it never got very far.

My husband, on the other hand, just shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Whatever. She’ll be done with it when she’s done with it.’ And, guess what, that’s exactly what happened.

Flash forward ten years and here we are in the same place with James. This time around, however, it is entirely deliberate. It’s part of the strategy in fact. First of all, it’s come to my attention that if a binky is in James’s mouth, nothing else is. Although I do recognize that’s not the most child-proof method of child-proofing, it does come in handy, I must say. Particularly when, say, he’s playing in a garden that has a big, honking Nightshade plant (i.e., deathly poison) about three feet to the left.
If I were smart, I would say that that’s the true reason that we haven’t done anything to begin the binky separation process. But that wouldn’t be the truth. The binky is a key element in our discipline strategy with James – because nothing else works.

Being that James is #3, we aren’t entirely surprised that he didn’t respond in the way the first two did. We learned that lesson when Will came along. Take the whole counting thing, one of the universal discipline strategies across time. What parent doesn’t use the “I’m going to count to three” phrase on a regular basis? With Lucy, we never even got to two. Heck, we never got to two and a half. She’s a rules girl, and by the time we got to two, we were well on our way to whatever point we needed to make. Will, on the other hand, would ask, “But what’s going to happen when you get to three? Will you take my cars away? Will I go into a time out?” And then, based on the answer, he’d decide whether to do what we wanted or not. I wasn’t thrilled, but at least I had a sense of where things were heading.

But now there’s James. James just takes a passing glance at the rules and then leaves them in his dust. When I start counting to three, he just, in his sweet little voice, counts along with me. “Twooooo… Threeeeee…” It’s all I can do not to end up laughing hysterically. Forget following through with any kind of threat. Not to say that James doesn’t end up in his share of time outs, but it’s not the end-all-be-all that it was once upon a time.

Which brings me back to the binky. James couldn’t care less if he ends up in a time out after we get to three. That’s just a chance for him to sing to himself for three minutes. But if we threaten to take away his binky, well, that’s a whole other story entirely.

For example, when I found myself driving along at a fair clip and then all of a sudden there was a binky coming my way, I knew that the first thing I needed to do was tell him that he was never to throw things in a car, and most certainly not in the direction of -- or at -- the driver. The second thing, of course, was me saying that he wasn’t getting the binky back and that it was in a time out for a really long time.

The fact that he barely reacted to that was suspicious.

So I looked into the rearview mirror, only to discover that he was sitting there with a whole other binky in his mouth. He’d apparently taken to carrying around an extra. No wonder he wasn’t concerned.

But he’d thrown it in the car. And he’d thrown it at me, i.e., the driver. The problem, however, was that by the time I’d realized that, it was several minutes later. And we were on a country road that had nowhere I could pull over to make my point right away, something that all of those parenting magazines I read say is crucial with kids this age. Then again, when my other kids were this age, they wouldn’t have thought to have a second binky in reserve.

A few miles down the road, I saw a turn off. Cockle Cove Road. Even though it was now ten minutes later, I pulled over, got out of the car, and went around to his side and opened the door.

“No throwing in the car. No throwing at the driver. This binky is in time out until we get home.” Binky #2, gone.

He cried the whole way home.

I didn’t like it – and I don’t particularly like that I know what his weakness is and that I use it. But that’s the line we walk as parents, isn’t it? It’s our job to make sure that, well, they don’t grow up and keep throwing things at the driver. And sometimes it isn’t pretty.

In the meantime, though – and as long as he doesn’t keep throwing it -- he can have the binky.

Spanish Tip – Keeping Spanish Fun!!

A great way to keep children interested in practicing Spanish is to make it fun! Children want to speak and interact with the people they admire and about the things that interest them. Who do they admire most? You! Tie Spanish into family game night or watch a favorite movie in Spanish!

Another fun way to connect with your child in Spanish every day is through a daily personal message. You can put a message in his or her lunchbox or backpack in Spanish. Here are some fun ones to try:

Te quiero mucho. (Tay Kee-ero Moo-cho)	I love you very much.
Estoy pensando en ti. (Eh-stoy Pen-sahn-do En Tee)	I am thinking about you.
Esta tarde vamos a ____. (Eh-stah Tar-day Vah-mos ah ____.)	This afternoon we are going to ____.

You can use pictures for beginning readers. Younger children, who aren’t reading yet, can have their teacher read the note for them. It is encouraging and special for your child to share their new language with you!

Come for the Spanish, Stay for the Love

Part of what sets
Pine Village apart:  co-founders
Brid and Emma

A few weeks ago, I joined PVP’s Enrollment Director Kendra Bucklin at Back Bay’s Kingsley Montessori Meet the Schools Night. One of the questions that a prospective parent asked me was, What sets Pine Village apart from all the other schools out there? For someone who can go on for hours about "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (don’t ask; truly; hours is not an exaggeration), you’d think that I could have been a bit more articulate about a place I love sooooo much when asked that question. And yet I have to admit, I kind of bumbled my way through it.

I mean, of course I talked about the bilingual/Spanish part. That’s a given. And after a minute or so of babbling the kinds of clichés that any other high-quality preschool could babble, I did finally say that, upon learning that we were pregnant with kid #3 after kids #s 1 and 2 were well out of Pine Village, one of my first thoughts was: thank goodness, we get to go through Pine Village again. But I’m not entirely proud of my performance with that particular parent. And I was grateful for Kendra who stepped in and rescued the entire conversation.

Several minutes after the parent left the table, seeing that I was still ruminating on my not-so-great showing, Kendra very nicely didn’t mention how tongue-tied I’d been, but instead said something that has stuck in my head for these last several weeks: “Families come for the Spanish, but they stay for the love.”

Will and me

Our story is slightly different. We didn’t choose Pine Village specifically for the Spanish. Although we loved the idea of a bilingual preschool – and some day I’ll be happy to go on about the long-term benefits for our kids, now respectively eight and five years later – what struck us about Pine Village from the start was exactly what Kendra said: the love.

Not that there aren’t preschools out there that don’t share a similar philosophy. Not every place is a nameless, faceless corporate monolith. And, o.k., yes (she begrudgingly said), even the nameless, faceless monoliths have amazing teachers and staff and are overflowing with love. 

But I can’t help it; Pine Village is different. For us it always has been. And although I still have a problem fully articulating why – it’s hard to translate that gut-busting, warmth that spreads deep inside whenever I see my kids in the Pine Village environment into words – this weekend I was reminded a little bit as Will (i.e., kid #2) and I walked with Pine Village in the Boston Pride Parade.

This was the first time that our family has had a chance to participate. I’m not sure where we’ve been for all these years, but we do travel a lot, so it’s not always easy for us to do the weekend stuff. Since I’ve been working more closely with Pine Village over the last few months, though – and since I haven’t had a chance to partake in a lot of the other events that PVP has been represented at over that time – I really wanted to share in the experience. And what an experience it was.

The Pine Village Crew

There’s something about walking through the streets with thousands of people cheering you on that brings a smile even to the surliest of faces. And, well, Will can most definitely be on the surly side; it’s been known to happen enough that I have a whole series of photos of Will sulking his way through various landmarks – Monticello, Four Corners…

Luckily, the surliness isn’t usually part of what Will shows the public for the most part; that is mostly reserved for those of us on the homefront. But knowing this other side of him exists and seeing it are two entirely different things. Watching Will scoot his way from side to side of the parade route, seeking out kids to give stickers and seed packets to, was, well, gut-busting and warmth-spreading. If I hadn’t been so focused on not tripping and falling on my face in front of the crowds, I might even have cried a little. (O.k., so maybe I did. Cry that is.)

Beacon: the final stretch

But what also made me smile was knowing that I was marching with an organization – a preschool – that doesn’t only talk the talk, it walks the walk. (Literally. I clocked 19,000+ steps!) And it’s been doing so for years. Long before it was fashionable – for ten years, to be precise – Pine Village has been marching in the Pride Parade. It was the first preschool and toddler program to do so, and it’s been doing so each year, ever since. More importantly, it’s been preaching – and carrying through – the message of acceptance for all families – regardless of family makeup, regardless of background, regardless of just about anything else you can think of – since day one.

So, yes, Pine Village is definitely about the Spanish. It is a Spanish immersion program, after all. But what is also infused through every moment, action, and its very existence, is the love. Every family, every child, every day.

Spanish Tip for Summer Fun

Let’s go to the beach

Vamos a la Playa

It's that time of year, finally! The weather is warmer and you can take the kids outside to play. Whether you're at the beach or playing in the yard, we've got your back with some useful vocabulary words for summer-time fun!

 

The Beach- La playa

The sea- El mar

Let’s go to the beach!

Vamos a la playa!

Lifesaver- Salvavidas   

Can you put the lifesaver on?

Te puedes poner el salvavidas?

Beach ball- Pelota de playa
Let’s play with the beach ball!

Juguemos con la pelota de la playa!

Sunglasses- Lentes para el sol

Please put your sunglasses on.

Ponte los lentes para el sol por favor.

Sand- Arena 

Do you want to play with the sand?

Quieres jugar con la arena?

 

Bathing suit-Traje de baño

Get your bathing suit.

Toma tu traje de baño.

To swim – Nadar

Let’s swim!

Vamos a nadar!